False teachers...

One of my favorite past times is to watch the false teachers on the Christian TV stations and dissect their teachings and understand where they are going wrong. I know it's not the most positive of hobbies, but it's something that I find depressing yet fascinating all at the same time. Tonight I saw this guy on tv and the entire time, all he talked about was money and planting a "$1,000 seed" and how much God has blessed him and it was seriously 30 minutes of him talking about himself and how much money he had and how if people didn't give money to his ministry they were allowing Satan to have control of that part of their lives. I couldn't believe it! He then went on to say that not only did God want to give you financial blessings, but that you were to be healthy. Now, I've always heard about how teachers as part of the Faith Movement say that God wants you to be "healthy, wealthy, and wise" but I've never heard anyone blatantly come out in his teaching and cover all those things. The whole time he had his fancy little alligator skin Bible in his hands but never once did he open it and never once did he quote a scripture in its correct context. It breaks my heart to think that there are people who listen to him and feel that this is what God wants from them. They're truly being led astray. This life isn't about us, it's about Him and His glory. I just pray that those who hear these teachings and think they are truth would have their eyes opened and that those who teach this bad doctrine will repent and know the real God. There is so much more I could say with this little rant, but I guess I'll stop here.

An awesome prayer

Ok, so as I was studying today for my Girl's Bible study, I came across this prayer of a Quaker girl who was in her early 20's and I couldn't believe how much it echoed the cries of my heart:

Oh my Father! stretch out your all powerful arm in mercy and free me from the bonds of sin and death which hold me fast! You see that I am tired of trying to be good, that I don’t really try to resist the temptations of the evil one with all my might. And you know that my whole nature rebels against following you and serving you. But, oh Father! strengthen my feeble knees, put a new and holy faith in my heart and bring down my haughty nature to the very dust. You are my only refuge; therefore, listen, I pray you, to my prayer.
I am haughty and full of pride. I shrink from the suffering which I know is waiting for me. I look almost with disgust on the narrow, narrow path which I see lying out before me. I feel that I can never consent to become nothing for your name’s sake. But you, Oh Lord! are able to drive away all pride from every heart. Oh won’t you purify and wholly sanctify my heart and make me willing to become the very least of your servants that you may have all the glory and honor and praise for ever and ever world without end!
—Journal, 1849

Joy

Well, if you've been a Christian for any length of time, you have heard that little word that means oh so much: joy. I wish I could say that I have perfected the art of being joyful, but honestly when the conditions of life are less than what would be considered favorable, and you don't know what's going on or what the outcome of challenging situations may be, you soon come to realize that having joy isn't as easy as one would initially think. There have been a couple of situations that I've been going through and I find myself crying about them, whining about them, and yes, praying about them, but joy is far from one of the emotions I am feeling. Last Sunday I taught on how joy is a key part of having the love as the fruit of the Spirit in your life, that joy that comes from loving and trusting in God's sovereignty, that joy that can weather any storm, that joy that is purely for the purpose to bring God glory even in times of struggle. After teaching that lesson, it seems like God has continuously brought it again and again across my path that I am to "rejoice always". It's been in such a way that I couldn't ignore it if I tried. I need to get out of my pity parties, and truly start trusting in God and having joy always.

The purpose of Saturday mornings

Ok, so I have a confession to make, right now with the women of the staff here we're going through what it means to be a proverbs 31 woman and one thing that is standing out to me is how she rises early. Well, and here's my confession, I LOVE my sleep! I do, I'll admit that if I don't get 8 hours of sleep I'm just not a happy camper, and therefore I may never be that perfect woman, because I honestly believe that without this glorious thing we call sleep, I would be a useless individual. Anyways, all of this little rant is brought on by the fact that the staff here does not seem to have the same issue as I do with enjoying sleeping in and therefore every single day of the week, they are in the house working beginning at around 7ish. Now in my opinion, I truly think that next to "honor the Sabbath day and keep it holy" should be "and there is a second command like it, thou shalt not wake up before 8:30 on a Saturday morning". I think I'll have to put that in the KORV (Kelli O'Hea Revised Version).

My last night

Right now, it's 3:30 in the morning and I can't sleep. I'm packing up my room as I've seemed to put it off until now, I think in a way of trying to avoid it as long as possible. It's so weird seeing my room all packed up and how I've got boxes of stuff that I'm getting rid of. I can't believe this how real it's becoming.

36 hours and counting...

Ok, so I'm going to be totally and completely honest and tell you that right now I'm sitting here with tear stained eyes and a red bull can near by because I seriously have so much to do right now it's not even funny and I'm so overwhelmed. I have to admit, I also am feeling very alone right now just that there's nothing people can really do to help me even if I wanted them to. I've come to realize this is to be my own battle to fight and I'm just really in shock that in pretty much exactly 36 hours I'm going to be getting on a plane to leave for two years.

Goodbye to my boys

Well, today I said goobye to Mat and Chris as they headed off CCBC. I have to admit this has been the most difficult of the goodbyes so far. It's crazy to think they're embarking upon this new chapter of their lives much like I am. These boys have been the ones who I've always had a special bond with and I'm just so thankful that I've been able to see them and realize that there are some good guys out there, really good guys. I'm going to miss them so much, but I know God is going to use them greatly.

Change is...

Ok, so I remember last year coming back from Uganda and there was a whole lot going through my mind and then I heard this quote on Grey's Anatomy, "Change, we don’t like it, we fear it, but we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. And it hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn’t is lying. But heres the truth: the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Oh, sometimes, change is ... everything" and it seemed to hit such a chord with me as I was anticipating all of the changes I have either already gone through (graduation, leaving my job, etc...) to the changes I'm about to embark upon in a matter of just a few days. And right now I can honestly attest to the validity of the statement that change truly is EVERYTHING. It's just so crazy looking back and seeing how much has taken place in this past year and how much God has tought me.

Tonight Your stars speak

(The title of this blog is the title of a song by the Glorious Unseen). I can honestly say that tonight as I was laying out under the stars just thinking and praying, it dawned on me that to our common knowledge there is really no real reason for the stars to be in existance, as they're too far away to have any real impact on us. Then it hit me that their sole purpose is to bring God glory. Time and time again I hear of people talking about how they can see how great and big God is by looking at the stars and through that there lies their purpose...to point to how truly amazing He is. And that's exactly what we are to be like too. Although it may be difficult for some of us to believe, not everything about this world is about us, in fact nothing about it is about us. Our sole purpose on this earth is to bring HIM glory. We are to shine so brightly that people praise God for how awesome He truly is, it's not about us.

Patriotism at its best

So although I haven't been able to watch too much of the Olympics, I have had the privilege of seeing some of the upsets. And last night was no different. Lukas, J, and I watched the movie Stick It and right after it was over Lukas and I turned on the Olympics and it was the girls gymnastic overall individual competition. We were able to see our girls get the gold and silver upsetting all expectations. I have to admit I may have gotten a little teary eyed watching them standing there as the national anthem play and I couldn't help but think about what the Olympics is all about. Yes, it's a bunch of super skinny individuals who have stronger muscles in their big toe than I do in my whole body, but I've concluded that it means even more. The Olympics brings out the patriotism in all of us, no matter what your political affiliation is, how much money you make, or what your education may be. I love it! And seeing how America rises up to overcome the odds, you can't help but be at least a little proud about our somewhat screwed up but all in all pretty alright "Home of the free and the land of the brave".

A little sound byte of heaven

So I was reading on Levi's blog about how he was listening to Phil Wickham's new live worship album and how you can download it from the link below for free. And oh my sweet goodness! It would be worth large sums of money so the fact that you can get it for free is awesome! Download it and listen to it on your iPod, it will bring joy to your hear.

http://philwickham.com/singalong/

Don't worry..about a thing...'cuz every little thing is gonna be alright

So these past three days have seriously been doozies, but just today as I was kind of in the middle of a breakdown feeling as if I had nothing to lean upon anymore as it seemed like all of my friends either had too much on their plates right now or they just were being really distant. Not to mention my commissioning got canceled for tonight, so I was super discouraged about that too. Well, I went to my prayer warriors at the front desk and after they prayed for me, I went to talk to a friend of mine and as I was talking to her, my eyes were opened to how I was like Peter when Jesus walked on water and when he tried to join Him, he looked around and freaked out. I realized that these last few days I've been "looking around and freaking out", but that time with Peter was followed with Jesus immediately reaching out His hand to save him. God truly did that to me today and it was like all of a sudden all was better and all of the situations I was going through I was able to see through His eyes. It was really hard and my eyes are blood shot from crying but it was totally worth it. I've been learning a lot of hard lessons lately, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Being pruned

So this past week has been a roller coaster of emotions where God has been teaching me lesson after lesson, it's been amazing having my eyes opened to new things, but it's also been incredibly hard. I was reading this morning in John 15:2 about how as we are to be the branch and if we are bearing fruit, the Father as the vine dresser, will prune us in order to produce more fruit. That is honestly what I feel like right now. I feel like many of my friendships have changed and people who I was once very close to have drifted away and there's nothing I can do to help it. God really is showing me that He is to be that "best" friend. The one I run to in times of struggle and the one I share my deepest fears and thoughts to, He is the one I am to trust in for that companionship and comfort. He will ALWAYS be there for me and I need to stop putting all my expectations on my other friends and truly just look to Him.

sitting, hoping, thinking, praying

So do you ever have those moments where you just feel peaceful? Right now I'm at Flying Star off of Rio Grande and for a a brief 15 minutes, it was so quiet with a breeze blowing, no one else on the patio, and the calm of the early morning at hand. Of course that's kind of over now but as I sat reading my Bible it was one of those times where you hope you can carry that sense of relaxation throughout the rest of the day. That feeling that you don't have care in the world as looking at the trees move in the breeze you can think of how that is like God: even though you may not see Him, He's there and He will NEVER leave you no matter how hectic your life is. Aside from the flies buzzing around (which even that adds to the sense of outdoorsy relaxation in a weird way), it so serene that I'm actually somewhat happy that I had to be here by 7 for breakfast with one of my girls.

Living in a dirty world

So tonight, Dave Row taught and one part of his message really stood out to me. He talked of how Jesus washed His disciples feet and that can have more meaning to it than what meets the eye. The foot is what gets dirtiest because it is the one that touches the "world" the most. I couldn't help but think of how dirty we figuratively get when we're walking in this world we live in. Well...tonight, I went to go and watch a movie and it was honestly one of the most vile movies I've ever seen, I seriously felt dirty after just watching a mere 15 minutes of it and soon felt the need to just leave as I had the words of James 1:27 going through my head, "Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, [and] to keep oneself unspotted from the world." It's one of those things where you could almost tangibly feel the battle being fought. I could hear people all around me laughing at the crude scenes and I realized just how we are called not to "conform to this world, but transform it by the renewing of our minds". And it may not be easy and the friends I went with might very well end up giving me grief about it or making me feel like a "goody two shoes" but that's when we have to count the costs and remember we are held to a higher standard and answer to a higher authority. I'm not saying that movies are bad, or anything like that, but that we need to hold true to the personal convictions the Holy Spirit lays on our hearts.

A butterfly?

Ok, so this may sound kind of random, but last night I was sitting at my favorite thinking spot, the baptismal at Calvary. And I was just laying down looking at the stars mixed with clouds that were beginning to roll in. I've never really watched the clouds at night, but last night I did and as I was praying I saw a cloud that had a hole in it that was the shape of a butterfly and I couldn't help but draw the connection to how I'm kind of experiencing what a butterfly goes through in my own way. I feel like for the past year especially I've been kind of in my cocoon, learning, preparing, etc... for this next adventure and when I board that plane in 27 days I will be finally breaking out and spreading my new found wings and having to learn how to fly on my own. Without my normal support network of friends and family I will be experiencing the world in a whole new way.

Flying away

Ok, so I don't know about anyone else, but there's those times I experience something that hits me and I begin to look around me and notice just how frequently I hear or see something that resembles that or hits that same button. For me, it is typically with music and lately I've been noticing all of the songs that seem to apply to me taking on this next chapter of my life. I feel for my friends because there are so many songs I hear on the radio that I'm like "this is so my life song right now". But as you are leaving all you know and love you kind of tend to look for comfort wherever you can, something that makes you feel not so alone, and these songs seem to help with that. For instance, there's an Alanis Morrissette song called Wunderkind where it says, "I am a magnet for all kinds of deeper wonderment/ I am a wunderkind oh oh oh oooooh/ And I lift the envelope pushed far enough to believe this/ I am a princess on the way to my throne / Destined to serve, destined to roam" And there are yet still others like the Kelly Clarkson song where her chorus says, "I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly/I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky/And I'll make a wish/Take a chance/Make a change/ And breakaway/Out of the darkness and into the sun/But I won't forget all the ones that I love/I'll take a risk/Take a chance/Make a change/ And breakaway. But oh there's more, a song by Regina Spektor called The Call and the lyrics include, "All you can do is try to know Who your friends are/As you head off to the war/Pick a star on the dark horizon/And follow the light/I'll come back/When you call me/No need to say good bye", and finally the one that I seem to relate to the most is the Shadow of the Day by Linkin Park with the line "sometimes beginnings aren't so simple, sometimes goodbye's the only way". I know this is kind of a depressing thought, but it does help me to kind of put words to some of the things I'm feeliing. To conclude this little thought, I found this quote today by Mark Twain which I feel kind of encapsulates yet more of my thoughts and trying to give myself some encouragement, "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream."

Montana Pics

Here's some of the pics I took so hopefully you can grasp how amazing this trip really was.

Montana trip 6.1

Well it's midnight and I'm back in the 'Burque after my first vacation by myself. These past five days went by so fast, but I just can't tell you how awesome it was to relax and spend time with friends of mine who have meant more to me than I can ever express. Today consisted of Alaina and Zack coming over for breakfast at the apartment after which we went to Coy and Sara's and I was able to see them one last time. It was surreal saying goodbye to them and I was having kind of a hard time processing it, and then Johnny and Tori took me to the airport and that's where it hit me. I didn't think I was going to cry, but as it so happened, it just came and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Realizing I was saying goodbye for two years to all those people was just so crazy to me. I just pray that God will use all of them in such amazing ways up there as I know He's already begun a good work and He is faithful to finish what He begins. Now it's back to reality and me continuing on with Africa prep. I'm stoked because the Belize team gets back tonight, yay! I can't wait to tackle my guys. I'm glad I'll finally get to see them as it seems like the days have been winding down to Africa and all I want to do is spend time with friend but all of my friends who weren't in Montana were pretty much in Belize except for a couple. Well, traveling takes it out of you, so I guess I'll go to sleep now.

Montana trip 5.1

Right now I'm in a little coffee shop enjoying an iced vanilla late recapping on my trip as I will be leaving in less than 24 hours. I honestly cannot tell you how perfect this trip was to escape some of the Africa stress that had been bogging me down recently. I know it will be there facing me when I return but hopefully I'll be ready to take it on. Today was a pretty relaxed day. We woke up to make some waffles and then Tori and I talked for a while and then she convinced me to take a bike ride with her which I was incredibly afraid of since I haven't ridden a bike in about ten years and even when I did ride my bike back then, I couldn't even turn a corner. But we rode for almost two miles and I didn't fall down once and it was awesome feeling the cool air as I rode taking in the beautiful scenery. Tori and I then headed over to Whitefish where we got to hang out with Jennie, Alivia, and Lenya. Alivia showed me her room, seriously every part of her room, she is such a cool little girl! Then we headed over to the Red Caboose for lunch and I got to spend some more time with Jennie and I don't think I can ever convey to her how much it meant to me to be able to sit and talk with her as she seriously (and I've told her this) has had THE biggest impact on my walk out of anyone. From there, Tori and I walked around the town and I got a couple of souvenirs and after that, we headed home where she dropped me off here.