The Battle

Yesterday I began to have the initial excitement of me going to Africa stiffled by the realization of the "sacrifices" I must make. The hardest thing to think about is the possibility that I could never see some of my family members again. But it's in those times when God reminds me of a couple of things: 1) If I hesitate it is because I love something more than Him, 2) "He (she) who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me", and 3) relationships are also "things of this world" and can be bad if you allow them to hinder you in your obedience to God. I need to realize that nothing is better than living a life of obedience to Him and being about His business and it is worth every little "sacrifice" I could ever make.

The Thorn in My Flesh

"To keep me from becoming conceited beause of the these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh...Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Chist's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:7-10

These three verses ring oh so true in my life. Most people know of my past, not necessarily spiritual struggles, but physical ones. I've had several major surgeries in my life, my most recent one was an attempt to correct problems with my knee. I have now come to conclude that my knee or better yet, my left leg is the "thorn in my flesh" if you will. And now that I've heard that I'm officially going to Africa next Summer, not ten minutes after I heard that news, my knee began to have the excruciating pain that I felt last spring that brought me to have this last surgery. Despite the pain and inconvenience that it causes me, I know that God uses it, and He has to repeatedly tell me "Kelli, don't worry about it, My grace is sufficient for you". It is so true how in our weaknesses He makes us strong, and it is through those "weaknesses" that we are humbled so He is glorified.

Wisdom from Mr. Chambers

Someone told me about this and it totally spoke to my heart. This is from Oswald Chambers in "My Utmost for His Highest".

Our Lord never insists obedience. He stresses very definitely what we ought to do, but He never forces us to do it. We have to obey Him out of a oneness of spirit with Him. That is why whenever our Lord talked about discipleship, He prefaced it with an "If," meaning, "You do not need to do this unless you desire to do so." "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself . . ." ( Luke 9:23 ). In other words, "To be My disciple, let him give up his right to himself to Me." Our Lord is not talking about our eternal position, but about our being of value to Him in this life here and now. That is why He sounds so stern (see Luke 14:26 ). Never try to make sense from these words by separating them from the One who spoke them.

The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear. If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation. If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself. Jesus Christ will not force me to obey Him, but I must. And as soon as I obey Him, I fulfill my spiritual destiny. My personal life may be crowded with small, petty happenings, altogether insignificant. But if I obey Jesus Christ in the seemingly random circumstances of life, they become pinholes through which I see the face of God. Then, when I stand face to face with God, I will discover that through my obedience thousands were blessed. When God’s redemption brings a human soul to the point of obedience, it always produces. If I obey Jesus Christ, the redemption of God will flow through me to the lives of others, because behind the deed of obedience is the reality of Almighty God.

Loosing a Year of My Life...

And it was totally worth it.

Last night we had a lock in with the middle school and high school girls where we were expecting 75 girls, and 200 showed up. Needless to say, we were able to learn the truth to the saying, "blessed are the flexible". In the past 12 hours I've had 2 red bulls, a tripple shot cinnimon vanilla late, a bottled frappuccino, and I am about to partake in another cafinated beverage due to me being awake for approximately 29 hours now and with little end in sight until about 9 o'clock tonight. Now, even though I feel as if I need to place toothpicks in my eyes to keep them open, I have to tell you that every second of last night was worth it, and basically me re-capping the night is helping me to remember the positive instead of the fact that I'm rediculously tired. When I think of last night there are four key things I remember: 1) Lots of girls, 2) Lots of screaming, 3) Talking to my girls at the campfire while eating s'mores, and 4) Playing loaded questions while laying on the floor of the HUB with my girls. The last two are what made my night one I'll charish for forever. I love the times of being able to just sit, talk, and laugh with my girls, and that's what I was able to do last night. Typically I'm so much about the "work" of the ministry that I don't take the time to pour into my girls in the capacity that my heart desires, but last night I was able to do what I've yearned to do for so long. I'm so blessed by my girls, and I wish they knew how much they have blown my mind seeing them mature in their walks and how God has blessed me with being a part of their lives. And even though as I'm typing this and inverting every other letter as I type b/c my fingers and my brain aren't communicating very effectively right now, I still am in amazement that last night actually happened.

Oh how he truly does use the FOOLISH things of this world

Many are familiar with the verse in 1 Corinthians where Pauls speaks of how God uses "the foolish things of this world to confound the wise", and as I read that verse yet again a couple of mornings ago, it got me thinking. Coming from this "foolish thing" I can definitely attest to the truthfulness of this verse. I am in sock right now as I'm typing this at the fact that God has allowed me to have the opportunities I've had these past couple of years to be used in the life of my students at Vertical. I could go into great detail about how much I fall short, how I stumble and fall on a consistent basis, and the various areas of my life where I mess up, but most likely if you're reading this 1) you know far too well about these areas and 2)you too can attest to how God has used you in a way that blows your mind despite your short falls. All of these thoughts stem from my student's reaction to the news of me leaving next summer. I have had parents tell me that their student was to the point of tears over the news, to which I meerly pondered "why?" because I feel so unworthy of anyone's tears. But it is then that I realize that God has used me and it is my little "flaws" that keep me grounded and bring Him the most glory. Who would think that a quazi socially awkward sassy extrovert could have an impact on high school students, but then you add in the missing link of the Holy Spirit, and all of a sudden it makes sense. I've been reading in 1 Corinthians in my quiet time (hence, the reference in the beginning of this blog) and in chapter 3 Paul talks of how there are people who plant and people who water, but it's the Spirit that makes it grow. Right now I'm doing a little planting and a little watering, and my students growth is not dependent upon me, I just need to have faith that God will raise up another "foolish thing" to continue the work that I've been so priviledged to be a part of these past three years. I'm just to be faithful in what He's called me to, and be thankful for the opportunities I have had.