The Battle

Yesterday I began to have the initial excitement of me going to Africa stiffled by the realization of the "sacrifices" I must make. The hardest thing to think about is the possibility that I could never see some of my family members again. But it's in those times when God reminds me of a couple of things: 1) If I hesitate it is because I love something more than Him, 2) "He (she) who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me", and 3) relationships are also "things of this world" and can be bad if you allow them to hinder you in your obedience to God. I need to realize that nothing is better than living a life of obedience to Him and being about His business and it is worth every little "sacrifice" I could ever make.

The Thorn in My Flesh

"To keep me from becoming conceited beause of the these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh...Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Chist's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:7-10

These three verses ring oh so true in my life. Most people know of my past, not necessarily spiritual struggles, but physical ones. I've had several major surgeries in my life, my most recent one was an attempt to correct problems with my knee. I have now come to conclude that my knee or better yet, my left leg is the "thorn in my flesh" if you will. And now that I've heard that I'm officially going to Africa next Summer, not ten minutes after I heard that news, my knee began to have the excruciating pain that I felt last spring that brought me to have this last surgery. Despite the pain and inconvenience that it causes me, I know that God uses it, and He has to repeatedly tell me "Kelli, don't worry about it, My grace is sufficient for you". It is so true how in our weaknesses He makes us strong, and it is through those "weaknesses" that we are humbled so He is glorified.

This Isn't Good

So I'm still recovering from the lock-in where when it was all said and done I stayed up 39 hours. I wish I could say I'm an enjoyable person when I'm tired, but the fact of the matter is that you basically get to see how I am if I didn't have Jesus in my life when I'm lacking sleep. I have had to do so much damage control when it comes to my bad mood, I have absolutely no grace or patience, and I pretty much pitty anyone who crosses my path. It's to the point that when I mention that I'm in a bad mood people don't refute the statement, which just confirms the severity of the issue. Just so you can kind of get an idea of how it is, think of my sassiness without any bit of kindness, and then you can understand how I've been communicating these past couple of days. Next time I get the crazy idea to stay up that long, I pretty much give you all permission to smack me upside the head, and tell me that's out of the question.

The Perils of Having Ultimate "Senioritis"

I have a confession to make, when I read books, even the best books ever written, I typically get to the last couple of chapters and then get distracted because I am excited about beginning a new book. It is through this confession that I illustrate how I am feeling right now towards my attitude with school. Back in the early spring of 2004, as I prepared for graduating from high school I developed a case of "senioritis", desiring so eagerly to be finished with high school and move on to the next phase of my life. Little did I know that what I felt four and a half years ago would pale in comparrison to the restlessness I'm feeling now. I am at the half way point in my second to last semester of college and I honestly can't stand it! I have come to call it the "ultimate senioritis" because it is the last time I will experience a senior year, and as far as I can tell the last time I will be a university/mass-scholastic setting, to add to that, as many of you know I am planning on moving out to Africa after I graduate and school is the main thing that is keeping me from being able to go any sooner. I am having such a hard time even motivating myself to have motivation. I know that God is using this time to prepare me and help me grow, and yes I know that "everything worth waiting for, is worth waiting for" and Africa is definitely worth waiting for, but having to bite the bullet and make it through this next semester is so hard! I guess this is more than a blog, it's an urgent plea for prayer as it is a struggle I must face each and every day to go to school and yes "do all to the glory of God" which includes studying and writing papers. As I mentioned at the beginning of this blog with my difficulty finishing books, I must now try and finish this chapter of my life before I begin the new one that is peering around the corner, which is something I find oh so difficult.