My last night

Right now, it's 3:30 in the morning and I can't sleep. I'm packing up my room as I've seemed to put it off until now, I think in a way of trying to avoid it as long as possible. It's so weird seeing my room all packed up and how I've got boxes of stuff that I'm getting rid of. I can't believe this how real it's becoming.

36 hours and counting...

Ok, so I'm going to be totally and completely honest and tell you that right now I'm sitting here with tear stained eyes and a red bull can near by because I seriously have so much to do right now it's not even funny and I'm so overwhelmed. I have to admit, I also am feeling very alone right now just that there's nothing people can really do to help me even if I wanted them to. I've come to realize this is to be my own battle to fight and I'm just really in shock that in pretty much exactly 36 hours I'm going to be getting on a plane to leave for two years.

Goodbye to my boys

Well, today I said goobye to Mat and Chris as they headed off CCBC. I have to admit this has been the most difficult of the goodbyes so far. It's crazy to think they're embarking upon this new chapter of their lives much like I am. These boys have been the ones who I've always had a special bond with and I'm just so thankful that I've been able to see them and realize that there are some good guys out there, really good guys. I'm going to miss them so much, but I know God is going to use them greatly.

Change is...

Ok, so I remember last year coming back from Uganda and there was a whole lot going through my mind and then I heard this quote on Grey's Anatomy, "Change, we don’t like it, we fear it, but we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. And it hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn’t is lying. But heres the truth: the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Oh, sometimes, change is ... everything" and it seemed to hit such a chord with me as I was anticipating all of the changes I have either already gone through (graduation, leaving my job, etc...) to the changes I'm about to embark upon in a matter of just a few days. And right now I can honestly attest to the validity of the statement that change truly is EVERYTHING. It's just so crazy looking back and seeing how much has taken place in this past year and how much God has tought me.

Tonight Your stars speak

(The title of this blog is the title of a song by the Glorious Unseen). I can honestly say that tonight as I was laying out under the stars just thinking and praying, it dawned on me that to our common knowledge there is really no real reason for the stars to be in existance, as they're too far away to have any real impact on us. Then it hit me that their sole purpose is to bring God glory. Time and time again I hear of people talking about how they can see how great and big God is by looking at the stars and through that there lies their purpose...to point to how truly amazing He is. And that's exactly what we are to be like too. Although it may be difficult for some of us to believe, not everything about this world is about us, in fact nothing about it is about us. Our sole purpose on this earth is to bring HIM glory. We are to shine so brightly that people praise God for how awesome He truly is, it's not about us.

Patriotism at its best

So although I haven't been able to watch too much of the Olympics, I have had the privilege of seeing some of the upsets. And last night was no different. Lukas, J, and I watched the movie Stick It and right after it was over Lukas and I turned on the Olympics and it was the girls gymnastic overall individual competition. We were able to see our girls get the gold and silver upsetting all expectations. I have to admit I may have gotten a little teary eyed watching them standing there as the national anthem play and I couldn't help but think about what the Olympics is all about. Yes, it's a bunch of super skinny individuals who have stronger muscles in their big toe than I do in my whole body, but I've concluded that it means even more. The Olympics brings out the patriotism in all of us, no matter what your political affiliation is, how much money you make, or what your education may be. I love it! And seeing how America rises up to overcome the odds, you can't help but be at least a little proud about our somewhat screwed up but all in all pretty alright "Home of the free and the land of the brave".

A little sound byte of heaven

So I was reading on Levi's blog about how he was listening to Phil Wickham's new live worship album and how you can download it from the link below for free. And oh my sweet goodness! It would be worth large sums of money so the fact that you can get it for free is awesome! Download it and listen to it on your iPod, it will bring joy to your hear.

http://philwickham.com/singalong/

Don't worry..about a thing...'cuz every little thing is gonna be alright

So these past three days have seriously been doozies, but just today as I was kind of in the middle of a breakdown feeling as if I had nothing to lean upon anymore as it seemed like all of my friends either had too much on their plates right now or they just were being really distant. Not to mention my commissioning got canceled for tonight, so I was super discouraged about that too. Well, I went to my prayer warriors at the front desk and after they prayed for me, I went to talk to a friend of mine and as I was talking to her, my eyes were opened to how I was like Peter when Jesus walked on water and when he tried to join Him, he looked around and freaked out. I realized that these last few days I've been "looking around and freaking out", but that time with Peter was followed with Jesus immediately reaching out His hand to save him. God truly did that to me today and it was like all of a sudden all was better and all of the situations I was going through I was able to see through His eyes. It was really hard and my eyes are blood shot from crying but it was totally worth it. I've been learning a lot of hard lessons lately, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Being pruned

So this past week has been a roller coaster of emotions where God has been teaching me lesson after lesson, it's been amazing having my eyes opened to new things, but it's also been incredibly hard. I was reading this morning in John 15:2 about how as we are to be the branch and if we are bearing fruit, the Father as the vine dresser, will prune us in order to produce more fruit. That is honestly what I feel like right now. I feel like many of my friendships have changed and people who I was once very close to have drifted away and there's nothing I can do to help it. God really is showing me that He is to be that "best" friend. The one I run to in times of struggle and the one I share my deepest fears and thoughts to, He is the one I am to trust in for that companionship and comfort. He will ALWAYS be there for me and I need to stop putting all my expectations on my other friends and truly just look to Him.

sitting, hoping, thinking, praying

So do you ever have those moments where you just feel peaceful? Right now I'm at Flying Star off of Rio Grande and for a a brief 15 minutes, it was so quiet with a breeze blowing, no one else on the patio, and the calm of the early morning at hand. Of course that's kind of over now but as I sat reading my Bible it was one of those times where you hope you can carry that sense of relaxation throughout the rest of the day. That feeling that you don't have care in the world as looking at the trees move in the breeze you can think of how that is like God: even though you may not see Him, He's there and He will NEVER leave you no matter how hectic your life is. Aside from the flies buzzing around (which even that adds to the sense of outdoorsy relaxation in a weird way), it so serene that I'm actually somewhat happy that I had to be here by 7 for breakfast with one of my girls.