The Roller Coaster Continues

For anyone who has been a Christian for any length of time, it almost becomes expected that after a huge spiritual high or intense spiritual moments, you will get attacked. I have had a couple of really awesome spiritual highs this past week and therefore I was basically just waiting for me to get it. Well, this past Thanksgiving and today I got it. I got hammered with an intense cold that took me out of commission for about 4 days straight, which it sucked, but I knew it would soon pass, today on the otherhand, was a doozy. It may not sound too big or scary, but you have to realize who's writing this. I'm taking a finance class right now that's kicking my butt like none other and I've already bombed one test, and today I just found out I bombed the second one which means it's going to be interresting to see if it's even possible for me to pass this class. The final thing that kind of got me was that I have a friend who's going through a tough time, and in my attempts to encourage them, my sasiness ended up getting the best of me and discouraging them. Like I said it doesn't sound too too bad, but I kind of have reached the point where I just want to cry. Needless to say, I know that God's taking care of me and refining me and I just have to trust in Him and His promises, but I won't lie, this is a tough one.

My Sick Day

I can honestly say that today was a pretty good sick day (after having been sick for the past three days). I went into work for a couple of hours, but then decided it was best for everyone if I go home, and I ended up going to my parent's house while it was snowing and I watched movies and hung out with my mom, I must say it wasn't too bad. It was then concluded with me driving home with steam coming off the streets and the snow still coming down, it was so quiet and peaceful, it was awesome!

Hmmm... let's just say, this was scary

So umm.... yeah, I think this picture needs some explanation and then you'll hopefully understand my night last night.

Last night we had Superhero Broomball, and someone gave me a Superman costume. I won't lie I realize that I did look like an East German Shot-Put Thrower, but it was also really hillarious seeing people's faces as I was walking around the Calvary campus. Ok, moving on... So we went to broomball, and it was awesome! There were ninja turtles, the Hulk, Spider Man, and oh so many more. Well, about 2/3 of the way through the night, a friend (or Batman for that night) decided to get crack his head and so myself along with cat woman took him to the emergency room, so there we were at 1:30 in the morning in the emergency room, and may I add that on top of Batman, cat woman, and super woman three of the ninja turtles joined us. It was hillarious! I will never forget that night.

Equation for the "flesh"

So last night I realized that truly how much we give into the flesh is directly proportional to the time (quantity as well as quality) you spend alone with God. My quiet times had been lacking for a couple of days as school, sleeping through alarms, and studying for a Bible study kind of took away from spending my much needed time with my Father. One of my biggest downfalls is my anger and not taming my tongue, and if I'm not careful it can come out in full force. Last night was one of those nights, I realized that I was saying not just my typical "sassy" remarks, but things that were hurtful in some ways. It's those times that I get a glimpse at what I would be like if Jesus hadn't grabbed a hold of me. I guess the moral of the story for me is it was a sobering thought knowing that my quiet times are not just between me and my Father, but also have an effect on others and a reminder of how important and precious they truly are....


Needless to say, I learned my lesson and spent that time with Him today.

Divine Romance...I think He's trying to tell me something

This morning I woke up to Divine Romance playing on my lap top, then at staff devos one of the worship songs was yet again Divine Romance, and then as I got into the car to go to school it was playing again. I can't help but think that God was trying to tell me something, and even if He wasn't it was a good reminder, even as I look at these lyrics of the song that are written below it's truly convicting knowing how I've been somewhat destracted as well as there are things we constantly need to be reminded of, in my case this moring it was the phrase "In Your presence God, I'm completely satisfied".

The fullness of Your grace is here with me

The richness of Your beauty’s all I see

The brightness of Your glory has arrived

In Your presence God, I’m completely satisfied

For You I sing I dance

Rejoice in this divine romance

Lift my heart and my hands

To show my love, to show my love

A deep deep flood, an Ocean flows from You

Of deep deep love, yeah it’s filling up the room

Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life

In Your presence God I’m completely satisfied

The Last of Three

So this year was the year for weddings, and I was in three of them. I realize that I shouldn't complain and that I'm so blessed to have such awesome relationships; however, as any single person can tell you, it doesn't matter how content you are, weddings can be one of the most difficult things in the world. I have now had to sit through reception after reception, slow song after slow song, and realized that there's still that one thing that you ache for, but know it's not the proper timing. Despite how difficult it could be, there is comfort b/c as Pauls says in 1 Corinthians it is in those times when you are not bound to the concerns of another that you can truly and completely focus on serving God with all you have. But as I said, the emotion is still there.

But, this isn't about the difficulties of having to be a part of the group on the dance floor with the status that permits them to catch the bouquet, this is about something more. As I said at the beginning of this, I've been a part of seeing the nuts, bolts, drama, and pains of planning a wedding which only lasts a day. Tonight though as I was at my fourth and final wedding for the year, I saw the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life: a couple who was at least 75 years old and where the husband could barely walk and they were dancing cheak to cheak on the dance floor. The bottom line is we can sit at weddings and the girls and can plan for that event that they dream will happen in their lives, but when it all comes down to it, our focus shouldn't be necessarily the flowers, the centerpieces, or even the dress, it's about that time 70 years down the road where you can still dance with the person that you once upon a time stood up in front their friends and family saying you'll love that person for the rest of your life.

The Battle

Yesterday I began to have the initial excitement of me going to Africa stiffled by the realization of the "sacrifices" I must make. The hardest thing to think about is the possibility that I could never see some of my family members again. But it's in those times when God reminds me of a couple of things: 1) If I hesitate it is because I love something more than Him, 2) "He (she) who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me", and 3) relationships are also "things of this world" and can be bad if you allow them to hinder you in your obedience to God. I need to realize that nothing is better than living a life of obedience to Him and being about His business and it is worth every little "sacrifice" I could ever make.

The Thorn in My Flesh

"To keep me from becoming conceited beause of the these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh...Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Chist's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:7-10

These three verses ring oh so true in my life. Most people know of my past, not necessarily spiritual struggles, but physical ones. I've had several major surgeries in my life, my most recent one was an attempt to correct problems with my knee. I have now come to conclude that my knee or better yet, my left leg is the "thorn in my flesh" if you will. And now that I've heard that I'm officially going to Africa next Summer, not ten minutes after I heard that news, my knee began to have the excruciating pain that I felt last spring that brought me to have this last surgery. Despite the pain and inconvenience that it causes me, I know that God uses it, and He has to repeatedly tell me "Kelli, don't worry about it, My grace is sufficient for you". It is so true how in our weaknesses He makes us strong, and it is through those "weaknesses" that we are humbled so He is glorified.

Wisdom from Mr. Chambers

Someone told me about this and it totally spoke to my heart. This is from Oswald Chambers in "My Utmost for His Highest".

Our Lord never insists obedience. He stresses very definitely what we ought to do, but He never forces us to do it. We have to obey Him out of a oneness of spirit with Him. That is why whenever our Lord talked about discipleship, He prefaced it with an "If," meaning, "You do not need to do this unless you desire to do so." "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself . . ." ( Luke 9:23 ). In other words, "To be My disciple, let him give up his right to himself to Me." Our Lord is not talking about our eternal position, but about our being of value to Him in this life here and now. That is why He sounds so stern (see Luke 14:26 ). Never try to make sense from these words by separating them from the One who spoke them.

The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear. If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation. If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself. Jesus Christ will not force me to obey Him, but I must. And as soon as I obey Him, I fulfill my spiritual destiny. My personal life may be crowded with small, petty happenings, altogether insignificant. But if I obey Jesus Christ in the seemingly random circumstances of life, they become pinholes through which I see the face of God. Then, when I stand face to face with God, I will discover that through my obedience thousands were blessed. When God’s redemption brings a human soul to the point of obedience, it always produces. If I obey Jesus Christ, the redemption of God will flow through me to the lives of others, because behind the deed of obedience is the reality of Almighty God.