This Isn't Good

So I'm still recovering from the lock-in where when it was all said and done I stayed up 39 hours. I wish I could say I'm an enjoyable person when I'm tired, but the fact of the matter is that you basically get to see how I am if I didn't have Jesus in my life when I'm lacking sleep. I have had to do so much damage control when it comes to my bad mood, I have absolutely no grace or patience, and I pretty much pitty anyone who crosses my path. It's to the point that when I mention that I'm in a bad mood people don't refute the statement, which just confirms the severity of the issue. Just so you can kind of get an idea of how it is, think of my sassiness without any bit of kindness, and then you can understand how I've been communicating these past couple of days. Next time I get the crazy idea to stay up that long, I pretty much give you all permission to smack me upside the head, and tell me that's out of the question.

Loosing a Year of My Life...

And it was totally worth it.

Last night we had a lock in with the middle school and high school girls where we were expecting 75 girls, and 200 showed up. Needless to say, we were able to learn the truth to the saying, "blessed are the flexible". In the past 12 hours I've had 2 red bulls, a tripple shot cinnimon vanilla late, a bottled frappuccino, and I am about to partake in another cafinated beverage due to me being awake for approximately 29 hours now and with little end in sight until about 9 o'clock tonight. Now, even though I feel as if I need to place toothpicks in my eyes to keep them open, I have to tell you that every second of last night was worth it, and basically me re-capping the night is helping me to remember the positive instead of the fact that I'm rediculously tired. When I think of last night there are four key things I remember: 1) Lots of girls, 2) Lots of screaming, 3) Talking to my girls at the campfire while eating s'mores, and 4) Playing loaded questions while laying on the floor of the HUB with my girls. The last two are what made my night one I'll charish for forever. I love the times of being able to just sit, talk, and laugh with my girls, and that's what I was able to do last night. Typically I'm so much about the "work" of the ministry that I don't take the time to pour into my girls in the capacity that my heart desires, but last night I was able to do what I've yearned to do for so long. I'm so blessed by my girls, and I wish they knew how much they have blown my mind seeing them mature in their walks and how God has blessed me with being a part of their lives. And even though as I'm typing this and inverting every other letter as I type b/c my fingers and my brain aren't communicating very effectively right now, I still am in amazement that last night actually happened.

Oh how he truly does use the FOOLISH things of this world

Many are familiar with the verse in 1 Corinthians where Pauls speaks of how God uses "the foolish things of this world to confound the wise", and as I read that verse yet again a couple of mornings ago, it got me thinking. Coming from this "foolish thing" I can definitely attest to the truthfulness of this verse. I am in sock right now as I'm typing this at the fact that God has allowed me to have the opportunities I've had these past couple of years to be used in the life of my students at Vertical. I could go into great detail about how much I fall short, how I stumble and fall on a consistent basis, and the various areas of my life where I mess up, but most likely if you're reading this 1) you know far too well about these areas and 2)you too can attest to how God has used you in a way that blows your mind despite your short falls. All of these thoughts stem from my student's reaction to the news of me leaving next summer. I have had parents tell me that their student was to the point of tears over the news, to which I meerly pondered "why?" because I feel so unworthy of anyone's tears. But it is then that I realize that God has used me and it is my little "flaws" that keep me grounded and bring Him the most glory. Who would think that a quazi socially awkward sassy extrovert could have an impact on high school students, but then you add in the missing link of the Holy Spirit, and all of a sudden it makes sense. I've been reading in 1 Corinthians in my quiet time (hence, the reference in the beginning of this blog) and in chapter 3 Paul talks of how there are people who plant and people who water, but it's the Spirit that makes it grow. Right now I'm doing a little planting and a little watering, and my students growth is not dependent upon me, I just need to have faith that God will raise up another "foolish thing" to continue the work that I've been so priviledged to be a part of these past three years. I'm just to be faithful in what He's called me to, and be thankful for the opportunities I have had.

The Perils of Having Ultimate "Senioritis"

I have a confession to make, when I read books, even the best books ever written, I typically get to the last couple of chapters and then get distracted because I am excited about beginning a new book. It is through this confession that I illustrate how I am feeling right now towards my attitude with school. Back in the early spring of 2004, as I prepared for graduating from high school I developed a case of "senioritis", desiring so eagerly to be finished with high school and move on to the next phase of my life. Little did I know that what I felt four and a half years ago would pale in comparrison to the restlessness I'm feeling now. I am at the half way point in my second to last semester of college and I honestly can't stand it! I have come to call it the "ultimate senioritis" because it is the last time I will experience a senior year, and as far as I can tell the last time I will be a university/mass-scholastic setting, to add to that, as many of you know I am planning on moving out to Africa after I graduate and school is the main thing that is keeping me from being able to go any sooner. I am having such a hard time even motivating myself to have motivation. I know that God is using this time to prepare me and help me grow, and yes I know that "everything worth waiting for, is worth waiting for" and Africa is definitely worth waiting for, but having to bite the bullet and make it through this next semester is so hard! I guess this is more than a blog, it's an urgent plea for prayer as it is a struggle I must face each and every day to go to school and yes "do all to the glory of God" which includes studying and writing papers. As I mentioned at the beginning of this blog with my difficulty finishing books, I must now try and finish this chapter of my life before I begin the new one that is peering around the corner, which is something I find oh so difficult.

My Adventure at the Balloon Fiesta

m

This morning as I woke up at the wee hours of the morning, the anticipation was building as I was soon to be experiencing Albuquerque's pride and joy, The Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta. I have a bond with the balloon fiesta unlike most people because for the first 15 or so years of my life my parents had a booth there selling balloon trading cards. I remember basically living there for the ten glorious days each year that the fiesta happens, and being seven years old standing outside of our booth yelling at the top of my lungs "hot air balloon trading cards, get 'em while they're hot, one for two dollars or three for five bucks..." I even had Japanese people coming and video taping me. Needless to say, that was my life. Now about five years after we have closed down the business, going to the balloon fiesta is bitter sweet. I still love the balloon fiesta, but it's more of an emotional connection and memories that come swarming into my mind that make me want to go back each year. This morning I took my two little brothers (well, they're not really smaller than me anymore, they're just younger) and one of my brother's friends. It was such an awesome experience yet again sharing those memories with my brothers, and my brother's friend had never been to the fiesta before so he was soaking it all in too. It was an awesome morning filled with hot chocolate, breakfast burritos, and blankets, and not to mention the morning was perfect for ballooning with the Albuquerque Box in full effect.

Tonight...

Tonight I had an opportunity to go to a concert featuring the Myriad, Phil Wickham, and yes David Crowder. I have been looking forward to this concert for the past 9 months, and I must say that I was not disappointed. But this is not meant to be a review of a concert. Phil Wickham had a couple of songs that honestly brought me to my knees and tears to my eyes, it wasn't about the sound of the music, but merely the magnitude of gaining a new perspective of how much my Savior loves me. The song True Love paints a vivid picture of what it was like the day that Jesus died. I think the power of this song was magnified because I just read about when Jesus died on the cross in my quiet time. I think that sometimes we (I) forget the power and total meaning of what He did for me 2,000 years ago. This song truly hit me and I think we all need a genuine wake up call along with realizing the amazing love God has for us and the price He paid for us. The song is on my myspace if you want to hear it, or shoot, get it on iTunes, because it really should be one we should all have.

The Show Must Go On

Life happens, that's all there is to it. Things happen that you can't change and you can't explain away. Things may not be making sense at the time and in the midst of chaos you may try with all your might to keep hold and maintain some sort of logic or order, but the bottom line is that there are some things you can't control or know what's going to happen in the end. That's when you have to take on the old theater term of "The Show Must Go On". As in a play, people trip and fall, actors flake out, lines are messed up, but you can't do anything about it, you just have to suck it up and keep going on with your life no matter how hard it may be. You have to focus and keep your eyes upon God and not the situation and know He is in control, plain and simple.