It is finished

Tonight was probably one of the most difficult nights I've ever had...I moved out of my apartment. But not only that, but I am now going to be living with my family part of the time and the Pirolo's the other part, I love both families, but there's just a certain amount of independence that gets forfeited when you don't have your own place. I just can't believe all the memories that were made in that apartment and all that I've experienced while I was there, from Summit groups to bachelorette parties, to dinner parties to girls nights, they've all been there. I seems as if I have closed a whole chapter of my life by closing that door one last time. It was crazy to see how small it seemed after all the furniture was moved out, it just looked like a normal apartment without being filled with a year and a half of history of a 21 year old. My mom came to help do the deep cleaning and boy am I glad that she did b/c she served as a shoulder to cry on as we left. I can without a doubt say that this past week has been the toughest week of my life.

Well...I guess this is it

Ok, well the last blog I wrote I was sitting on my floor, and this morning I'm again sitting on my floor typing this blog, but now I have pretty much no furniture, and the piles that were surrounding me have now been reduced to small piles of miscellaneous papers and other randomness. Last night was my last night sleeping in my own apartment, and it's honestly surreal to think that after today is the first day of the big changes coming my way as I progress towards August. Right now, I just have to keep reminding myself to take deep breaths, pray, and hold on, b/c this is going to be one wild ride.

It's starting to hit me

So tonight I'm sitting on the floor in my apartment surrounded by boxes and piles of clothes realizing that I'm soon no longer going to have a place to call my own. I will no longer have my own room, bathroom, bed, living room, etc... I will have to share it with all of my family and I really am praying that it will be a lot easier than I'm anticipating. I've lived on my own for over two years now, and have always been independent, so going back is going to be tough. Right now, I just wish I could vent on someone about how overwhelming all of these changes are, but I know I'm constantly talking about it all the time any way, but never have I been so overwhelmed. I feel like these next couple of days are my last days of normalcy and soon my life will begin to radically change.

The last of my last American Christmases

So this Christmas season, as with all of my past Christmases I had four family Christmas celebrations, and last night finished them off. I honestly didn't know I was going to have such a hard time, but it really was tough. Last night was probably the toughest out of all of them and I totally broke down. I'm so blessed with my family and how close we all are, especially on my dad's side. We had such a blast just relaxing without a lot of formalities and hanging out. One memory I'll cherish is when out of ten grand kids on my dad's side, the three of us girls decided to play dress up, hence the picture. I love my family so much, and I thank God for them all the time.

Who wants to get hurt?

So today I was thinking about how some friends had invited me to go ice skating on Wednesday and how I told them I don't want to actually get out on the ice because I'm clumsy and will most likely get hurt. That then progressed to me realizing that I didn't want to go snowboarding this season b/c I didn't want to get hurt right before I went to Africa. And finally it hit me, that just as I'm trying to avoid getting physically hurt, I pretty much do everything in my power to avoid getting emotionally hurt as well. Nobody likes to get hurt, but I think honestly for me, it's a constant thought in the back of my head of "is there a possibility that I will get hurt from this?" and if the answer is yes, I typically try and avoid it at all costs. It's kind of funny how some people seek out danger, but I run from it, be it a relationship or a sketchy looking roller coaster. I realize that by avoiding getting hurt, I could be missing out on some things, but I still feel like I want to avoid getting hurt, I guess taking risks is something I'm going to have to learn to do.

My "Perfect" Christmas

Being that I'm leaving in about 8 months, and this is my last Christmas here in the States for a while, I had this idea that this Christmas should be the best one ever. Every tradition I felt had to be met from decorating the tree, to the food, to the people who were involved, but last night I had what I will call my butt kicking from God. At Renovate the night began with a pretty sweet concert, but after that Nick went up to teach and I honestly was about to check out mentally because I've heard more Christmas stories this winter then I honestly care to mention, but this message was different. It was from the perspective of the shepherds in the field who were told by the angel about the baby being born and how they rushed to see Him. That's when it hit me, it's not about the food, the presents, or even the people, it's about my personal experience with Him and the true gratitude I feel towards what He has done for me by taking on human form just to die for me. I need to have the perspective of the shepherds where this was the best news they've ever heard and their eagerness to meet their Savior, I too need to have eagerness to sit at my Savior's feet this Christmas season and realize how awesome this ultimate present is.

A much needed girl's night

Tonight I was able to have an ever so needed girl's night with some of my fellow single chicas. It's funny how we need nights like this sometimes, nights where you're able to get together with people who are at a similar stage in life as you are where you can relate to each other on a unique level. We began the night off with getting tons of food at Kelly's Pub & Grill (I didn't choose it), and then we came back to my apartment for ice cream and watching Elf. We were able to laugh and share stories, it was really really cool! I won't lie, the original concept stemmed from slight bits of bitterness, but in a way what what we meant for evil, God meant for good. Instead of being negative (well, I kind of was for part of it), we were able to just have a good time, it was awesome!

What it means to be righteous

"He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him" 2 Corinthians 5:21

I've always heard the term "righteous" but honestly never knew the full extent to what it meant especially in relation to my life. After doing a wee bit of a word study, I was able to find out that it means conformity with the claims of that higher authority, all they command or appoints. It boils down to the submission to the right of God upon man realized through faith that man (woman) in their fallen condition.

We are called to conform to what God desires for us and obey what He commands of us. And as most know, the key commandments He has given us are to love Him with all that we have and love others as ourselves. In order to be righteous, we must conform to these commandments and submit to His desires and show Him how we have surrendered our lives fully and completely to Him.

An "ugly cry"

There are threetypes of crying in life: a happy cry, and sweet cry, and an ugly cry. Well tonight I had an ugly cry. It's weird to think that a couple of tv shows could tip me over the edge. Something happened a couple of days ago and I've been going through emotion after emotion (angry, numb, etc...) and tonight I was finally able to cry about it. A couple of TV shows tonight basically talked of how there comes a time when you just need to move on and let things go, and one finished with a character getting pep talk about how she needed to remember that she was a strong woman, right now that's where I'm at... needing to remember that I'm strong, and my strength comes from Him, and He gives me strength unlike anything else.

Captivating

I'm sitting in a little cafe in Angel Fire with the snow falling, listening to music, and trying to work on a HUGE research project. But looking out into the valley with the clouds looming so low and the snowflakes falling, I just can't help but thing of the truth behind this Shawn McDonald song. The next time you are struggling or just need to be reassured of Who God is, just look at the mountains or the night sky and think of these lyrics:

when I look into the mountains, I see Your fame,
when I look into the night sky, it sparkles Your name
the wind in the clouds and the blue in the sky,
the sun and the moon and the stars so hight
hat's what draws me to You
[chorus]I am, I'm captivated by You(You know that You do)
I am, I'm captivated
when I wake unto the morning,
it gives me Your sights,
when I look across the ocean, it echoes Your mights
the sand on the shore and the waves in the sea,
the air in my lungs and the way You made me
that's what draws me to You
[chorus x2]
the wind in the clouds and the blue in the sky,
the sun and the moon and the stars so high,
the sand on the shore and the waves in the sea,
the air in my lungs and the way You made me,
the blood in my veins and my heart You invade,
the plants how they grow and the trees in the shade,
the way that I feel and the love in my soul,
I thank You my God for letting me know
[chorus]

Rest Stop

So after a couple of weeks of being tested, God proved Himself faithfully merciful and full of grace this weekend. It's so awesome how He knows how much we can take and He gives us opportunities to recharge our batteries so we can persevere on with what He desires for us next. These past couple of days have been a rest stop in sorts for me. From the Celebration of Lights to the River of Lights and everything in between this past weekend was full of opportunities of encouragement and revitalization. And this whole amazing weekend was finished off with getting to spend a majority of my day hanging out with my momma. It was so awesome! We rarely get to spend time together between our busy schedules and honestly this was the best Christmas present she could give me. We had lunch, went to the River of Lights, got coffee, ate dinner, and watched a movie. It was a memory I will never forget and I thank God for that special blessing that was the cherry on the cake for this weekend.

The Roller Coaster Continues

For anyone who has been a Christian for any length of time, it almost becomes expected that after a huge spiritual high or intense spiritual moments, you will get attacked. I have had a couple of really awesome spiritual highs this past week and therefore I was basically just waiting for me to get it. Well, this past Thanksgiving and today I got it. I got hammered with an intense cold that took me out of commission for about 4 days straight, which it sucked, but I knew it would soon pass, today on the otherhand, was a doozy. It may not sound too big or scary, but you have to realize who's writing this. I'm taking a finance class right now that's kicking my butt like none other and I've already bombed one test, and today I just found out I bombed the second one which means it's going to be interresting to see if it's even possible for me to pass this class. The final thing that kind of got me was that I have a friend who's going through a tough time, and in my attempts to encourage them, my sasiness ended up getting the best of me and discouraging them. Like I said it doesn't sound too too bad, but I kind of have reached the point where I just want to cry. Needless to say, I know that God's taking care of me and refining me and I just have to trust in Him and His promises, but I won't lie, this is a tough one.

My Sick Day

I can honestly say that today was a pretty good sick day (after having been sick for the past three days). I went into work for a couple of hours, but then decided it was best for everyone if I go home, and I ended up going to my parent's house while it was snowing and I watched movies and hung out with my mom, I must say it wasn't too bad. It was then concluded with me driving home with steam coming off the streets and the snow still coming down, it was so quiet and peaceful, it was awesome!

Hmmm... let's just say, this was scary

So umm.... yeah, I think this picture needs some explanation and then you'll hopefully understand my night last night.

Last night we had Superhero Broomball, and someone gave me a Superman costume. I won't lie I realize that I did look like an East German Shot-Put Thrower, but it was also really hillarious seeing people's faces as I was walking around the Calvary campus. Ok, moving on... So we went to broomball, and it was awesome! There were ninja turtles, the Hulk, Spider Man, and oh so many more. Well, about 2/3 of the way through the night, a friend (or Batman for that night) decided to get crack his head and so myself along with cat woman took him to the emergency room, so there we were at 1:30 in the morning in the emergency room, and may I add that on top of Batman, cat woman, and super woman three of the ninja turtles joined us. It was hillarious! I will never forget that night.

Equation for the "flesh"

So last night I realized that truly how much we give into the flesh is directly proportional to the time (quantity as well as quality) you spend alone with God. My quiet times had been lacking for a couple of days as school, sleeping through alarms, and studying for a Bible study kind of took away from spending my much needed time with my Father. One of my biggest downfalls is my anger and not taming my tongue, and if I'm not careful it can come out in full force. Last night was one of those nights, I realized that I was saying not just my typical "sassy" remarks, but things that were hurtful in some ways. It's those times that I get a glimpse at what I would be like if Jesus hadn't grabbed a hold of me. I guess the moral of the story for me is it was a sobering thought knowing that my quiet times are not just between me and my Father, but also have an effect on others and a reminder of how important and precious they truly are....


Needless to say, I learned my lesson and spent that time with Him today.

Divine Romance...I think He's trying to tell me something

This morning I woke up to Divine Romance playing on my lap top, then at staff devos one of the worship songs was yet again Divine Romance, and then as I got into the car to go to school it was playing again. I can't help but think that God was trying to tell me something, and even if He wasn't it was a good reminder, even as I look at these lyrics of the song that are written below it's truly convicting knowing how I've been somewhat destracted as well as there are things we constantly need to be reminded of, in my case this moring it was the phrase "In Your presence God, I'm completely satisfied".

The fullness of Your grace is here with me

The richness of Your beauty’s all I see

The brightness of Your glory has arrived

In Your presence God, I’m completely satisfied

For You I sing I dance

Rejoice in this divine romance

Lift my heart and my hands

To show my love, to show my love

A deep deep flood, an Ocean flows from You

Of deep deep love, yeah it’s filling up the room

Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life

In Your presence God I’m completely satisfied

The Last of Three

So this year was the year for weddings, and I was in three of them. I realize that I shouldn't complain and that I'm so blessed to have such awesome relationships; however, as any single person can tell you, it doesn't matter how content you are, weddings can be one of the most difficult things in the world. I have now had to sit through reception after reception, slow song after slow song, and realized that there's still that one thing that you ache for, but know it's not the proper timing. Despite how difficult it could be, there is comfort b/c as Pauls says in 1 Corinthians it is in those times when you are not bound to the concerns of another that you can truly and completely focus on serving God with all you have. But as I said, the emotion is still there.

But, this isn't about the difficulties of having to be a part of the group on the dance floor with the status that permits them to catch the bouquet, this is about something more. As I said at the beginning of this, I've been a part of seeing the nuts, bolts, drama, and pains of planning a wedding which only lasts a day. Tonight though as I was at my fourth and final wedding for the year, I saw the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life: a couple who was at least 75 years old and where the husband could barely walk and they were dancing cheak to cheak on the dance floor. The bottom line is we can sit at weddings and the girls and can plan for that event that they dream will happen in their lives, but when it all comes down to it, our focus shouldn't be necessarily the flowers, the centerpieces, or even the dress, it's about that time 70 years down the road where you can still dance with the person that you once upon a time stood up in front their friends and family saying you'll love that person for the rest of your life.

The Battle

Yesterday I began to have the initial excitement of me going to Africa stiffled by the realization of the "sacrifices" I must make. The hardest thing to think about is the possibility that I could never see some of my family members again. But it's in those times when God reminds me of a couple of things: 1) If I hesitate it is because I love something more than Him, 2) "He (she) who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me", and 3) relationships are also "things of this world" and can be bad if you allow them to hinder you in your obedience to God. I need to realize that nothing is better than living a life of obedience to Him and being about His business and it is worth every little "sacrifice" I could ever make.

The Thorn in My Flesh

"To keep me from becoming conceited beause of the these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh...Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Chist's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:7-10

These three verses ring oh so true in my life. Most people know of my past, not necessarily spiritual struggles, but physical ones. I've had several major surgeries in my life, my most recent one was an attempt to correct problems with my knee. I have now come to conclude that my knee or better yet, my left leg is the "thorn in my flesh" if you will. And now that I've heard that I'm officially going to Africa next Summer, not ten minutes after I heard that news, my knee began to have the excruciating pain that I felt last spring that brought me to have this last surgery. Despite the pain and inconvenience that it causes me, I know that God uses it, and He has to repeatedly tell me "Kelli, don't worry about it, My grace is sufficient for you". It is so true how in our weaknesses He makes us strong, and it is through those "weaknesses" that we are humbled so He is glorified.

Wisdom from Mr. Chambers

Someone told me about this and it totally spoke to my heart. This is from Oswald Chambers in "My Utmost for His Highest".

Our Lord never insists obedience. He stresses very definitely what we ought to do, but He never forces us to do it. We have to obey Him out of a oneness of spirit with Him. That is why whenever our Lord talked about discipleship, He prefaced it with an "If," meaning, "You do not need to do this unless you desire to do so." "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself . . ." ( Luke 9:23 ). In other words, "To be My disciple, let him give up his right to himself to Me." Our Lord is not talking about our eternal position, but about our being of value to Him in this life here and now. That is why He sounds so stern (see Luke 14:26 ). Never try to make sense from these words by separating them from the One who spoke them.

The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear. If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation. If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself. Jesus Christ will not force me to obey Him, but I must. And as soon as I obey Him, I fulfill my spiritual destiny. My personal life may be crowded with small, petty happenings, altogether insignificant. But if I obey Jesus Christ in the seemingly random circumstances of life, they become pinholes through which I see the face of God. Then, when I stand face to face with God, I will discover that through my obedience thousands were blessed. When God’s redemption brings a human soul to the point of obedience, it always produces. If I obey Jesus Christ, the redemption of God will flow through me to the lives of others, because behind the deed of obedience is the reality of Almighty God.

This Isn't Good

So I'm still recovering from the lock-in where when it was all said and done I stayed up 39 hours. I wish I could say I'm an enjoyable person when I'm tired, but the fact of the matter is that you basically get to see how I am if I didn't have Jesus in my life when I'm lacking sleep. I have had to do so much damage control when it comes to my bad mood, I have absolutely no grace or patience, and I pretty much pitty anyone who crosses my path. It's to the point that when I mention that I'm in a bad mood people don't refute the statement, which just confirms the severity of the issue. Just so you can kind of get an idea of how it is, think of my sassiness without any bit of kindness, and then you can understand how I've been communicating these past couple of days. Next time I get the crazy idea to stay up that long, I pretty much give you all permission to smack me upside the head, and tell me that's out of the question.

Loosing a Year of My Life...

And it was totally worth it.

Last night we had a lock in with the middle school and high school girls where we were expecting 75 girls, and 200 showed up. Needless to say, we were able to learn the truth to the saying, "blessed are the flexible". In the past 12 hours I've had 2 red bulls, a tripple shot cinnimon vanilla late, a bottled frappuccino, and I am about to partake in another cafinated beverage due to me being awake for approximately 29 hours now and with little end in sight until about 9 o'clock tonight. Now, even though I feel as if I need to place toothpicks in my eyes to keep them open, I have to tell you that every second of last night was worth it, and basically me re-capping the night is helping me to remember the positive instead of the fact that I'm rediculously tired. When I think of last night there are four key things I remember: 1) Lots of girls, 2) Lots of screaming, 3) Talking to my girls at the campfire while eating s'mores, and 4) Playing loaded questions while laying on the floor of the HUB with my girls. The last two are what made my night one I'll charish for forever. I love the times of being able to just sit, talk, and laugh with my girls, and that's what I was able to do last night. Typically I'm so much about the "work" of the ministry that I don't take the time to pour into my girls in the capacity that my heart desires, but last night I was able to do what I've yearned to do for so long. I'm so blessed by my girls, and I wish they knew how much they have blown my mind seeing them mature in their walks and how God has blessed me with being a part of their lives. And even though as I'm typing this and inverting every other letter as I type b/c my fingers and my brain aren't communicating very effectively right now, I still am in amazement that last night actually happened.

Oh how he truly does use the FOOLISH things of this world

Many are familiar with the verse in 1 Corinthians where Pauls speaks of how God uses "the foolish things of this world to confound the wise", and as I read that verse yet again a couple of mornings ago, it got me thinking. Coming from this "foolish thing" I can definitely attest to the truthfulness of this verse. I am in sock right now as I'm typing this at the fact that God has allowed me to have the opportunities I've had these past couple of years to be used in the life of my students at Vertical. I could go into great detail about how much I fall short, how I stumble and fall on a consistent basis, and the various areas of my life where I mess up, but most likely if you're reading this 1) you know far too well about these areas and 2)you too can attest to how God has used you in a way that blows your mind despite your short falls. All of these thoughts stem from my student's reaction to the news of me leaving next summer. I have had parents tell me that their student was to the point of tears over the news, to which I meerly pondered "why?" because I feel so unworthy of anyone's tears. But it is then that I realize that God has used me and it is my little "flaws" that keep me grounded and bring Him the most glory. Who would think that a quazi socially awkward sassy extrovert could have an impact on high school students, but then you add in the missing link of the Holy Spirit, and all of a sudden it makes sense. I've been reading in 1 Corinthians in my quiet time (hence, the reference in the beginning of this blog) and in chapter 3 Paul talks of how there are people who plant and people who water, but it's the Spirit that makes it grow. Right now I'm doing a little planting and a little watering, and my students growth is not dependent upon me, I just need to have faith that God will raise up another "foolish thing" to continue the work that I've been so priviledged to be a part of these past three years. I'm just to be faithful in what He's called me to, and be thankful for the opportunities I have had.

The Perils of Having Ultimate "Senioritis"

I have a confession to make, when I read books, even the best books ever written, I typically get to the last couple of chapters and then get distracted because I am excited about beginning a new book. It is through this confession that I illustrate how I am feeling right now towards my attitude with school. Back in the early spring of 2004, as I prepared for graduating from high school I developed a case of "senioritis", desiring so eagerly to be finished with high school and move on to the next phase of my life. Little did I know that what I felt four and a half years ago would pale in comparrison to the restlessness I'm feeling now. I am at the half way point in my second to last semester of college and I honestly can't stand it! I have come to call it the "ultimate senioritis" because it is the last time I will experience a senior year, and as far as I can tell the last time I will be a university/mass-scholastic setting, to add to that, as many of you know I am planning on moving out to Africa after I graduate and school is the main thing that is keeping me from being able to go any sooner. I am having such a hard time even motivating myself to have motivation. I know that God is using this time to prepare me and help me grow, and yes I know that "everything worth waiting for, is worth waiting for" and Africa is definitely worth waiting for, but having to bite the bullet and make it through this next semester is so hard! I guess this is more than a blog, it's an urgent plea for prayer as it is a struggle I must face each and every day to go to school and yes "do all to the glory of God" which includes studying and writing papers. As I mentioned at the beginning of this blog with my difficulty finishing books, I must now try and finish this chapter of my life before I begin the new one that is peering around the corner, which is something I find oh so difficult.

My Adventure at the Balloon Fiesta

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This morning as I woke up at the wee hours of the morning, the anticipation was building as I was soon to be experiencing Albuquerque's pride and joy, The Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta. I have a bond with the balloon fiesta unlike most people because for the first 15 or so years of my life my parents had a booth there selling balloon trading cards. I remember basically living there for the ten glorious days each year that the fiesta happens, and being seven years old standing outside of our booth yelling at the top of my lungs "hot air balloon trading cards, get 'em while they're hot, one for two dollars or three for five bucks..." I even had Japanese people coming and video taping me. Needless to say, that was my life. Now about five years after we have closed down the business, going to the balloon fiesta is bitter sweet. I still love the balloon fiesta, but it's more of an emotional connection and memories that come swarming into my mind that make me want to go back each year. This morning I took my two little brothers (well, they're not really smaller than me anymore, they're just younger) and one of my brother's friends. It was such an awesome experience yet again sharing those memories with my brothers, and my brother's friend had never been to the fiesta before so he was soaking it all in too. It was an awesome morning filled with hot chocolate, breakfast burritos, and blankets, and not to mention the morning was perfect for ballooning with the Albuquerque Box in full effect.

Tonight...

Tonight I had an opportunity to go to a concert featuring the Myriad, Phil Wickham, and yes David Crowder. I have been looking forward to this concert for the past 9 months, and I must say that I was not disappointed. But this is not meant to be a review of a concert. Phil Wickham had a couple of songs that honestly brought me to my knees and tears to my eyes, it wasn't about the sound of the music, but merely the magnitude of gaining a new perspective of how much my Savior loves me. The song True Love paints a vivid picture of what it was like the day that Jesus died. I think the power of this song was magnified because I just read about when Jesus died on the cross in my quiet time. I think that sometimes we (I) forget the power and total meaning of what He did for me 2,000 years ago. This song truly hit me and I think we all need a genuine wake up call along with realizing the amazing love God has for us and the price He paid for us. The song is on my myspace if you want to hear it, or shoot, get it on iTunes, because it really should be one we should all have.

The Show Must Go On

Life happens, that's all there is to it. Things happen that you can't change and you can't explain away. Things may not be making sense at the time and in the midst of chaos you may try with all your might to keep hold and maintain some sort of logic or order, but the bottom line is that there are some things you can't control or know what's going to happen in the end. That's when you have to take on the old theater term of "The Show Must Go On". As in a play, people trip and fall, actors flake out, lines are messed up, but you can't do anything about it, you just have to suck it up and keep going on with your life no matter how hard it may be. You have to focus and keep your eyes upon God and not the situation and know He is in control, plain and simple.

Change is...

This new chapter in my life can be summed up in one simple word "change". As it is now turning from summer to fall, I can see how just as the seasons change, so does life, and sometimes those times of change are more prevelant at certain times then it is at others. I think I'm still in shock over the change that has been and will be taking place in my life over the next year. My work has changed, my ministry has changed, my relationships have changed, I will be moving back into my parent's house in about two months, and oh so many more changes are coming just around the corner. To quote Grey's Anatomy "Change is Everything", and I can honestly attest to that. I know my options are to either fight it or embrace it, but it's going to happen no matter what, it now just depends on my attitude towards it. My challenge now is to maintain my focus on God and know that He never changes although everything else around me is.

1 Timothy 4:12

Today I went to Southwest Secondary School for See You at the Pole. They may not have had a real flag pole, but these kids blew my mind with their faith and faithfulness, and truly were visible examples of 1 Timothy 4:12.

"Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the blievers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, and in purity."

The challenge of trust

I've never had to trust in God as much as I have in the past couple of months.

Trust that I know what's best for you.
Trust that My timing and will are perfect
Trust that My grace is sufficient
Trust that My promises are true
Trust that My ways are higher than your ways
Trust that I hear you when you cry out to Me

Roller Coaster

I think my dislike of roller coasters stems from the fact that I dislike rapid change, I like to have options open and know what's coming around the next corner, not all of a sudden "No way, I'm not going down that...Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Aghhh!!!!!!" And I have started to draw the parallel to the roller coasters at a theme park to what has been going on the past couple months of my life. There have been so many ups and downs, quick turns, and times of being flipped upside down, that I can't even begin to put into words what it's been like. I approached this past summer with a plan, a plan that I would go to graduate school, stay in ABQ, and get a job, and go about my happy little life. As the summer drew on, it was like more and more God was telling me "ummm... not so fast. Those are your plans for your life, not Mine". That is how I've come to take comfort in Isaiah 55:8-9 "'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,' says the Lord. 'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.'" I've now gone from planning on submitting my application to grad school to filling out an application to be a full-time missionary (which I never thought would happen in my life). There are numerous other "rides" that I am on right now, so I can't necessarily write about them, but in my head I have so many "what-ifs" and "huhs?" that I am just so glad that God is in control and I'm not. For a person who is an impatient control freak, this has been especially difficult, but I do know that through this time, God is breaking me and molding me all the more. As I'm writing this blog, my iTunes is rocking "Empty Me" by Jeremy Camp and the line "Holy Fire burn away my desire for anything that is not of You but is of Me" has pretty much become my prayer during this "interresting" time of my life.

All I Have to Give to You...

I come to You empty handed, with nothing but a tarnished past
All I have to give to You is me
I come to You broken, with my old self still trying to desperately hold on
All I have to give to You is me
I come to You humbled, with the knowledge that I fall short each and every day
All I have to give to You is me
I come to You on my knees, with the promise that you hear my cry
All I have to give to You is me
I come to You rejoicing, with how by Your stripes I have been made clean
All I have to give to You is me
I come to You in amazement, with how You have allowed me to experience who You are
All I have to give to You is me