It is finished

Tonight was probably one of the most difficult nights I've ever had...I moved out of my apartment. But not only that, but I am now going to be living with my family part of the time and the Pirolo's the other part, I love both families, but there's just a certain amount of independence that gets forfeited when you don't have your own place. I just can't believe all the memories that were made in that apartment and all that I've experienced while I was there, from Summit groups to bachelorette parties, to dinner parties to girls nights, they've all been there. I seems as if I have closed a whole chapter of my life by closing that door one last time. It was crazy to see how small it seemed after all the furniture was moved out, it just looked like a normal apartment without being filled with a year and a half of history of a 21 year old. My mom came to help do the deep cleaning and boy am I glad that she did b/c she served as a shoulder to cry on as we left. I can without a doubt say that this past week has been the toughest week of my life.

Well...I guess this is it

Ok, well the last blog I wrote I was sitting on my floor, and this morning I'm again sitting on my floor typing this blog, but now I have pretty much no furniture, and the piles that were surrounding me have now been reduced to small piles of miscellaneous papers and other randomness. Last night was my last night sleeping in my own apartment, and it's honestly surreal to think that after today is the first day of the big changes coming my way as I progress towards August. Right now, I just have to keep reminding myself to take deep breaths, pray, and hold on, b/c this is going to be one wild ride.

It's starting to hit me

So tonight I'm sitting on the floor in my apartment surrounded by boxes and piles of clothes realizing that I'm soon no longer going to have a place to call my own. I will no longer have my own room, bathroom, bed, living room, etc... I will have to share it with all of my family and I really am praying that it will be a lot easier than I'm anticipating. I've lived on my own for over two years now, and have always been independent, so going back is going to be tough. Right now, I just wish I could vent on someone about how overwhelming all of these changes are, but I know I'm constantly talking about it all the time any way, but never have I been so overwhelmed. I feel like these next couple of days are my last days of normalcy and soon my life will begin to radically change.

The last of my last American Christmases

So this Christmas season, as with all of my past Christmases I had four family Christmas celebrations, and last night finished them off. I honestly didn't know I was going to have such a hard time, but it really was tough. Last night was probably the toughest out of all of them and I totally broke down. I'm so blessed with my family and how close we all are, especially on my dad's side. We had such a blast just relaxing without a lot of formalities and hanging out. One memory I'll cherish is when out of ten grand kids on my dad's side, the three of us girls decided to play dress up, hence the picture. I love my family so much, and I thank God for them all the time.

Who wants to get hurt?

So today I was thinking about how some friends had invited me to go ice skating on Wednesday and how I told them I don't want to actually get out on the ice because I'm clumsy and will most likely get hurt. That then progressed to me realizing that I didn't want to go snowboarding this season b/c I didn't want to get hurt right before I went to Africa. And finally it hit me, that just as I'm trying to avoid getting physically hurt, I pretty much do everything in my power to avoid getting emotionally hurt as well. Nobody likes to get hurt, but I think honestly for me, it's a constant thought in the back of my head of "is there a possibility that I will get hurt from this?" and if the answer is yes, I typically try and avoid it at all costs. It's kind of funny how some people seek out danger, but I run from it, be it a relationship or a sketchy looking roller coaster. I realize that by avoiding getting hurt, I could be missing out on some things, but I still feel like I want to avoid getting hurt, I guess taking risks is something I'm going to have to learn to do.

My "Perfect" Christmas

Being that I'm leaving in about 8 months, and this is my last Christmas here in the States for a while, I had this idea that this Christmas should be the best one ever. Every tradition I felt had to be met from decorating the tree, to the food, to the people who were involved, but last night I had what I will call my butt kicking from God. At Renovate the night began with a pretty sweet concert, but after that Nick went up to teach and I honestly was about to check out mentally because I've heard more Christmas stories this winter then I honestly care to mention, but this message was different. It was from the perspective of the shepherds in the field who were told by the angel about the baby being born and how they rushed to see Him. That's when it hit me, it's not about the food, the presents, or even the people, it's about my personal experience with Him and the true gratitude I feel towards what He has done for me by taking on human form just to die for me. I need to have the perspective of the shepherds where this was the best news they've ever heard and their eagerness to meet their Savior, I too need to have eagerness to sit at my Savior's feet this Christmas season and realize how awesome this ultimate present is.

A much needed girl's night

Tonight I was able to have an ever so needed girl's night with some of my fellow single chicas. It's funny how we need nights like this sometimes, nights where you're able to get together with people who are at a similar stage in life as you are where you can relate to each other on a unique level. We began the night off with getting tons of food at Kelly's Pub & Grill (I didn't choose it), and then we came back to my apartment for ice cream and watching Elf. We were able to laugh and share stories, it was really really cool! I won't lie, the original concept stemmed from slight bits of bitterness, but in a way what what we meant for evil, God meant for good. Instead of being negative (well, I kind of was for part of it), we were able to just have a good time, it was awesome!

What it means to be righteous

"He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him" 2 Corinthians 5:21

I've always heard the term "righteous" but honestly never knew the full extent to what it meant especially in relation to my life. After doing a wee bit of a word study, I was able to find out that it means conformity with the claims of that higher authority, all they command or appoints. It boils down to the submission to the right of God upon man realized through faith that man (woman) in their fallen condition.

We are called to conform to what God desires for us and obey what He commands of us. And as most know, the key commandments He has given us are to love Him with all that we have and love others as ourselves. In order to be righteous, we must conform to these commandments and submit to His desires and show Him how we have surrendered our lives fully and completely to Him.

An "ugly cry"

There are threetypes of crying in life: a happy cry, and sweet cry, and an ugly cry. Well tonight I had an ugly cry. It's weird to think that a couple of tv shows could tip me over the edge. Something happened a couple of days ago and I've been going through emotion after emotion (angry, numb, etc...) and tonight I was finally able to cry about it. A couple of TV shows tonight basically talked of how there comes a time when you just need to move on and let things go, and one finished with a character getting pep talk about how she needed to remember that she was a strong woman, right now that's where I'm at... needing to remember that I'm strong, and my strength comes from Him, and He gives me strength unlike anything else.

Captivating

I'm sitting in a little cafe in Angel Fire with the snow falling, listening to music, and trying to work on a HUGE research project. But looking out into the valley with the clouds looming so low and the snowflakes falling, I just can't help but thing of the truth behind this Shawn McDonald song. The next time you are struggling or just need to be reassured of Who God is, just look at the mountains or the night sky and think of these lyrics:

when I look into the mountains, I see Your fame,
when I look into the night sky, it sparkles Your name
the wind in the clouds and the blue in the sky,
the sun and the moon and the stars so hight
hat's what draws me to You
[chorus]I am, I'm captivated by You(You know that You do)
I am, I'm captivated
when I wake unto the morning,
it gives me Your sights,
when I look across the ocean, it echoes Your mights
the sand on the shore and the waves in the sea,
the air in my lungs and the way You made me
that's what draws me to You
[chorus x2]
the wind in the clouds and the blue in the sky,
the sun and the moon and the stars so high,
the sand on the shore and the waves in the sea,
the air in my lungs and the way You made me,
the blood in my veins and my heart You invade,
the plants how they grow and the trees in the shade,
the way that I feel and the love in my soul,
I thank You my God for letting me know
[chorus]

Rest Stop

So after a couple of weeks of being tested, God proved Himself faithfully merciful and full of grace this weekend. It's so awesome how He knows how much we can take and He gives us opportunities to recharge our batteries so we can persevere on with what He desires for us next. These past couple of days have been a rest stop in sorts for me. From the Celebration of Lights to the River of Lights and everything in between this past weekend was full of opportunities of encouragement and revitalization. And this whole amazing weekend was finished off with getting to spend a majority of my day hanging out with my momma. It was so awesome! We rarely get to spend time together between our busy schedules and honestly this was the best Christmas present she could give me. We had lunch, went to the River of Lights, got coffee, ate dinner, and watched a movie. It was a memory I will never forget and I thank God for that special blessing that was the cherry on the cake for this weekend.